Had Jay-Z been a woman talking bout : "niggas ain't shit, you broke like a nigga, always talking bout you gon? do something but you be coming up short.", men would immediately run for the hills and wonder "what happened to her?". It's obvious Lil' Kim, Foxy, Trina, Khia, and Jackie O- the nooky girl, and any other sextress is severally flawed whether their lyrics are personal or "spoon read"; I think we can agree they have deep issues. But Jay is the poster child for men's issues universally. Whether deep seated resentment for his mother or an ex as described in "Song Cry", he never understood why the girl he had decided was "the one" would dare sleep with another man and therefore break his heart. He never saw anything wrong with his indiscretions and it took him over a decade to apologize and even then he exclaims " I can't see it coming down my eyes so I got to make the song cry".

I Got 99 Problems but A Dick Ain't One - Vol. I

By Dat Chick (May 17th, 2004)

Rapper Jay-Z (99 Problems)Gentlemen understand a truth women have known for years....YA'LL GOT ISSUES! Now you may handle them differently than women do, but truthfully it takes years for you all to get over a relationship or even rejection. The poster child for male issues is none other than the master of misogyny, Jay-Z. On November 14th,2003 he dropped his final album aptly entitled The Black Album. I swore I wouldn't get it like the 3 prior, but like a bad boyfriend it called me during a vulnerable moment and I couldn't run that fast. I heard a radio debut of "Lucifer", "Allure" and "What more can I say" and again he crept into my most inward thoughts and pressed all my secret buttons. So for old times sake, I let him in again and had him on rotation, over, and over again.

When I heard track # 9, "99 Problems", it prompted me to remember why I left his ass...he got issues- more importantly issues with women. Though the song is metaphorically used to describe an actual dog and a punk ass ni@@a, overall the word "bitch" is all too often associated with feminine behavior bad or good.

Had Jay-Z been a woman talking bout: "niggas ain't shit, you broke like a nigga, always talking bout you gon? do something but you be coming up short.", men would immediately run for the hills and wonder "what happened to her?". It's obvious Lil' Kim, Foxy, Trina, Khia, and Jackie O- the nooky girl, and any other sextress is severally flawed whether their lyrics are personal or "spoon read"; I think we can agree they have deep issues. But Jay is the poster child for men's issues universally. Whether deep seated resentment for his mother or an ex as described in "Song Cry", he never understood why the girl he had decided was "the one" would dare sleep with another man and therefore break his heart. He never saw anything wrong with his indiscretions and it took him over a decade to apologize and even then he exclaims " I can't see it coming down my eyes so I got to make the song cry".

I'm curious to know what get out of jail free pass men have that women don' t? Why do men carry shit and then expect heaven and earth to move cause they're hurt? I propose selfishness, more appropriately a distorted image of self and a god-complex. With sayings such as :U-God, God, God-Sun or Sun period all implying: you da man- the prototype, the original. Black men seem to have it the worst. Maybe you miss the Nile, ruling and subduing the earth but you gonna have to back that up a bit and first get your emotions under control. Men don't like the thought of being out of control or dare say, expressing emotion. But see a shrink, Tony Soprano that shit. Get your shit worked out cause it only gets worse. You'll pull a Jay-Z and turn a good girl bad.

Since I know Dr. Welsing is out, Dr. D.C. is in and I got the following at home exercises for you're emotionally constipated assess:

Session 1- Understand as much as you proclaim sex and love are separate or believe only women equate love with sex, men more so equate love with sex. For example, a lot of times men won't profess love until you've slept with someone. If the sex is good for whatever reason they let down their guard and then feel at home. They also feel you must love them because you put "it" on them. Sex alone does not make a man "fall" in love with a woman and of course it depends on the man. But overall sex is a huge determining factor. Biologically men want to produce after themselves. Biologically women want to make sure she and her offspring are able to survive and are sustained. Simply put men strive for sex (the process of reproducing after themselves) and women strive to be comfortable and have money or the ability to get what is necessary for her family (maintaining that family). When either achieves that in a partner, they then say they are in love.

Some feel men are more prone to cheat on their mate or that all men cheat. I 've never thought that. Due to a god complex, it may be more men are prone to be selfish and therefore commit infidelity without thought of how it affects all whom he is responsible for or connected to. But conversely men lose their mind when their girl has sex with another man. Selfishness manifests itself in several ways. Sex without your partner is simply lust, which is rooted in selfishness. Anyone can be guilty of that. That's how one can say "it was just sex, I don't love them". I didn't understand that before, but I do now. Lust whether it be food, drugs, or sex comes from an inward need longing to be filled and can overpower logic.

I don't believe the theory that men should have multiple partners because they biologically must spread their seed to as many as possible. If that were true, biologically women would sleep with whoever showed they were able to better provide for them and their offspring. We call that a gold digger right? What's the determining factor? Logic and what employs logic is Love. Love goes outside of itself and would hurt itself before it hurt the other person. Much like how a lover derives pleasure by pleasing their significant other instead of getting theirs and bouncing.

I know what you saying right now though, "D.C. you tripping. It's a healthy appetite. Shawty's lookin' right, I'm kinda nice, we both grown so hey, why not". But the same can be said for an overweight person at a drive through: "I am hungry, I got the money and they do have a special buy 2 big macs get 3 free. I'm saying?" But it's not healthy and like food, the baggage though physical, but not yet visible, makes you bloated and emotionally laden or overweight (possibly even constipated).

Session 2: Establishing both men and women cheat and are prone to selfishness, some people are just slutty. And as much as men claim women have issues and "can't let go", I propose the opposite. Men are still attached to the one they love; they just use the new one to get over the old one. Repetitive behavior leads to dull and deaden senses, like alcoholics, narcotics and yes food addicts do to deaden that which is gnawing them on the inside. Not assuming that all men are slutty or engage in random acts of bodily fluid exchange, I do want to point out that making wiser choices will help you later on in life. Instead of approaching someone with the mindset of "I got the magic stick and Shawty got a fatty" look at each opportunity as a way to grow and work on your relationship skills.

Case in point, I like old people...old people aren't pretentious. They're old, and know that they could die any day now, why waste time beating around the bush. The older women know what they want, how they want it, and when they want it, and are even willing to teach you. Thus you see a lot of older women with younger men. Conversely older papi's are cool too. They realize they need the company of the opposite sex. They realize it is a pleasure. Sex is out the window, even with Viagra but they will holla if given the opportunity, (they're still male). But more importantly they understand the art of courtship-which makes for good sex. They understand that at the same time, money, effort and energy you spend on several people could have been dedicated to one person and will yield huge return on your investment.

Which brings us to Session 3: Treat people the way you want to be treated. Men are external, women are internal. A woman's basic nature and function is to take whatever you give her, multiply it and give it back to you. You give her grief, she'll give you stress. You treat her like a dog, she will be your bitch. You buy her a house; she will give you a home. You give her a platinum visa and say "handle it" you'll never leave the bedroom. View your love life like a business. What you put into it, is what you will get out of it. I've seen people who will work hard to save a down payment on a car, study what kind of car they want, best suits their needs, get magazines, go to websites, etc. and finally make their purchase, beaming with pride. They wash it every Wednesday and twice-on Sunday using Armor all interior and several coats of wax to preserve the exterior paint. Buy it a bra to prevent nicks and scratches, get lo-jack, and a club to prevent theft. Only use high-octane gas at $1.89 a gallon and then get the best insurance possible. They saw what they wanted, worked for it, made preparations to care for it and to preserve. Ironically the person you share your body with, you see at the club, spit weak game to, inebriate and if it was aright possibly take to the IHOP after before sending it home. Am I making sense? All in the name of Lust. I'm telling you, it'll mess you up and make your thinking backwards. Do what you do, but know what you are doing and realize the outcome of it all.

It would be different if every time I turned on the radio I wasn't abducted by P. Daddy's "I need a Girl" or Jagged Edge's "Walk out of Heaven" all the damn time. All that whining over some shit you had no business doing. But for the sake of my ears and sanity I had to put it out there. You're not built like that money. If you treat your current like you want to be treated with your future, do it now. Look at your relationships as a bank account. At every chance and opportunity look to do well and leave good things in people 's lives. Therefore when you get to the end of your journey and are serious and ready to be with only 1 person, you can draw from that account and save your self the heartache of a bad harvest. Stop acting like you don't care when you do, cause one day the one you love will do it to you. You want to marry a nice girl, become a nice man. Don't just say "they'll love me for me". Be what you want. If you know you rank then save your prayers and start investing.

You are now better equipped to face your world and spare me the agony of dealing with your baby's momma or ex while at the beauty salon. My beautician won't blame my hair for you coming in at 2:00 am. Trying to to make it up with some lame ass radio dedication "Feels like I just damn near threw my life away...don't know what to do, to get right back with you, I feel like I just walked right out of heaven". Cause you did. Illegal booty always puts you in jail. Consider it a symbiotic favor from me to you. I'm investing in myself for my future to come, but until then I got 99 problems but a dick ain't one.

Originally appeared in Playahata.com.


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