Dr. Wilson Orhiunu (Babawilly) works as a general practitioner in Birmingham UK. He has published his poetry on various internet sites. In May 2005, his first collection My Time was released. Wilson has a deep interest in the use of Nigerian Pidgin English in literary works. Currently, he is working on a paper back version of his web based dictionary – Babawilly’s Dictionary of Nigerian Pidgin English words and phrases and on his second poetry collection.

Poems by Dr. Wilson Orhiunu

Dance For Me

Dr. Wilson OrhiunuJulie dance for me
Shake like the girls on Channel O
I enjoyed the food
and the kids are in bed
Put on some music
and do that dance.

Jude my dear
Have had a rough day
Took the kids to
School and back in the rain.
Then to market for things to cook
Jude my dear you dance for me

Julie my dear
It is ladies who dance
The Ovie in his palace
demanding entertainment
The office was tough today
dance Julie so I can unwind

Jude I suggest a second wife
She can have the guest room
I wouldn’t mind
I will stop all this cooking and ironing
I will go to bed early
While she does dances for you

Julie my dear
Do not stir my anger
Where is the money for
second wife.
And by the way, it is bigamy
Take of your clothes
And start gyrating
If you sweat well
I will spray you some cash

I am dancing
Where is my money?
Neighbours come and see
He promised he will spray me
And hasn’t brought a penny
I will dance on the street
Next time you will leave me alone

Julie why disgrace me?
Yellow panties with big big holes
I wanted a private dance
And you ran into the street
Please come inside, it is late
A crowd has started gathering

Oh Jude you feel ashamed
You should have bought me lingerie
Remove your shirt and join the dance
I too watched Channel O
Let us see those big muscles
Your Apku belle is hiding

Lagos Boy

The bore hole is dead
The pump is but gone
But I've fetched all the water
I'm tired to the bone
My uniform is rumpled
My sandals are torn
But my confidence is high
I've got my sharp RayBans on.
The puddle of water
Was sprayed on my back
The Danfo's conductor
Laughed as they went by
I tripped on a stone
And stripped flesh down to bone
But my confido high
I've got my sharp RayBans on.
I wave to a friend
She pretends not to see
The world stares at me
For my fly is undone
I zip up and cry
I see blood in my hands
But my confidence is high
I've got my sharp RayBans on.
I stood at the corner
And struck a really fine pose
They tossed coins my way
For they thought I was blind
I sweat like an Awu
But feel cool inside
But my confido high
I've got my sharp RayBans on.
I bought it on credit
I now miss my school meals
But with eyes shaded up
I feel belle-full
I don't have a math's set
My vest and socks all have holes
But my confidence is high
I've got my sharp RayBans on.
I am blind folded by fashion
But yet I can see
It's made of mere plastic
Yet makes me so strong
I could fight a big Lion
And fly with the Eagles
Because my confido high
I've got my sharp RayBans on.
My eyes are a mystery
My tears you cannot see
I see all the world
But it just can't see me
The dust and the sunshine
Obeys my commands
My confidence is high
I've got my sharp RayBans on.

Pa Jimoh

Who can blame
Pa Jimoh
For what the old sod did?
They neglected him for ten years
He was provoked indeed

He saw his children dancing
In expensive cotton dresses
all thought it befitting
to shower him with praises

where were all these clown
when he endured malnutrition?
they claim he lived a good life
as they eat to their satisfaction

When it was just a cough
his children avoided his door
Pa Jimoh died alone
spurting blood from every pore

Suddenly the money came
Pa Jimoh in the papers
His fourteen months of hell
was called a brief illness

Pa Jimoh couldn’t take it
could no more lie in state
He climbed out of his coffin
and spat in all their plates.

Visual Acuity

Babawilly tak say...
Man get different different
eye for African landscape
If dem see smol Udi hill
The type wey if you
run smol you go
jump am pass
dem go say, ‘hey!
see this big mountain’.
After, dem see Kilimanjaro
The only hope of African
man wey wan see snow without
leaving the continent.
Dem go say , ‘look this smol hill
na smol pickin suppose tackle am’.

Woman sef, na different different eye
When journalist see big madam
wey dress like Christmas tree
Every colour represent like rainbow
Fanta face, Maltina hand.
Belle laik six months pregnancy
Ikebe laik Hummer jeep
E go nak am foto put
for magazine
Come caption am
‘Hey! See elegant, slim beauty’.
If she pay well well
dem fit add Chief, Doctor,
Princess and Society lady sef.
Smol time Journalist go village
for Christmas.
Village girl knee down
greet am.
She gi am water drink.
Her face fine pass Miss Nigeria.
Skin smooth pass baby own.
She waka, nothing wobble,
every department tone up.
Journalist come say,
‘Hey! Unsophisticated bush meat,
see as she wowo’.

Pipo get different different eye
for tief in Africa.
When dem see governor
dey five years for office
with ten houses and twenty cars.
Thirty companies and fourty buses
dem go say
‘Hey! Look dis smol tief’.
E noget shame sha.
E dey second term, e no
fit chop. Im mates for first
term rich pass am double.
Smol time for motopark
hungry man decide to pick
pocket but dem catch am
as e take di one hundred Naira.
Dem hala ‘Hey! See dis big tief’.
Quick quick, tyre for im neck.
Petrol, matches, mata end.
Di mob come talk say na tief
laik dis dey spoil dis awa countri.

Man get different different eye
for meat on top plate for Africa.
If im broda in law visit
And im sister gi am food,
with smol hand of chicken inside,
and two ponmo.
For head Oga e go calculate di meat
come scream ‘Hey! Look dis big meat’
Dem wan suck my blood ?
Later now, madam come
serve Oga. See thigh of chicken
dey wrestle beef for plate.
Dry fish sef dey struggle
territorial waters with heavy
fresh fish inside pepper soup.
Oga sceam loud ‘Hey! See dis smol meat’
Where all di chop money dey go?
Iyawo, no veks.
Hungri tief, rest in peace.
Village beauty no frown
Kilimanjaro, no erupt.
Not today e start.
All na different different eye
for Africa.

She No Sabi Cook

Babawilly tak say...
We all have our talents
Rare gifts, peculiar traits
And judging from her many kids
She has talented ovaries
Yet come the kitchen-matics
Her sums just don’t add up
She started off baking a cake
And ended up with bread
That babe no sabi cook
It’s true just cannot cook
Town crier warn the neighbourhood
That lady just can’t cook

I found out just last Christmas
When invited out for lunch
While everyone was saying grace
I opened up my eyes
I saw the little fish
Kissing the giant shrimp
The fish said to his lover
We will continue in his stomach
That babe no sabi cook
It’s true just cannot cook
Town crier warn the neighbourhood
That lady just can’t cook

I didn’t learn my lesson
Went there for easter lunch
She served one kain egusi soup
that looked like oil spill
Palm oil floats above
submerged vegetables
Was on the loo all night,
and in the morning saw my doctor
That babe no sabi cook
It’s true just cannot cook
Town crier warn the neighbourhood
That lady just can’t cook

I am here to watch the football
Upon their giant screen
he has told her ‘cook something
we will eat at half time’.
she brought a mountain in
I said thanks for the Tuo
She snapped ‘don’t mention Mr neighbour
but its actually jollof rice’
That babe no sabi cook
It’s true just cannot cook
Town crier warn the neighbourhood
That lady just can’t cook.

Return match was at mine
My babe cooked for half time
Smooth pounded yam, ogbono soup
with fish and chicken thighs
My neighbour licked his plate clean
then begged for second round
I told him food was finished and he
should eat when he gets home
That babe no sabi cook
It’s true just cannot cook
Town crier warn the neighbourhood
That lady just can’t cook

He looked at me with bad eye
as if it was my fault
he fell in love with alchemist
parading as a chef.
His phone went off so sudden
His dinner was now served
He walked with Africa on his head
as he moved towards his poison
That babe no sabi cook
It’s true just cannot cook
Town crier warn the neighbourhood
That lady just can’t cook.

Partikola

Babawilly tak say...
Particulars!
Not the one inside pepper soup
No. Partikola
Crazy partikola
Naija man must show partikola

Driving on the pot holed
highways of Lagos
There is a check point.
For searching, crime fighting
Show me your partikola !
They mean show me the colour
of your Naira.
Common man is inconvenienced
as the governor’s entourage drive by
at two hundred miles an hour
Siren and all.

Common man sold
his car
Deciding on emigration
At the embassy
Show me your partikola!
Show me your bank statement!
Common man was prepared,
assuming the identity of another.
Hug from mother
Prayers from father
He is airborne
onto greener pastures

Naija man in Heathrow
Check point again?
Show me your partikola!
They mean we do not like citizens of your country
Thirty nine questions for common man
then off to face the winter.
As the governor’s entourage comes by
with two hundred pieces of luggage
with after shave and all
Immigration man shouts ‘Park!’
Entourage shout back ‘we no get brake o!’
Immigration man wins,
‘Show me your partikola!’
They mean ‘we don’t fear your title’

Shock
Governor arrested
A whole above the law
African politician
A whole two hundred miles an hour
man of a million people
Common man heard and laughed
in his freezing one bedroom squat.
At least all Naija passports
are equal in Heathrow

Laugh not for there is no joke
only twisted irony
Naija man’s car is searched at home
Naija man’s rectum is searched abroad
Wetin una dey find?
Strip you naked
Prince, Olorin,high chief, dem no care
Abi slave trade start again
dem no tell persin?
Vanity upon vanity
Everything na vanity
Charity upon charity
Everything na charity
Charity will start at home
Naija Police leave Naija man alone

Craw Craw

Brother wetin you
dey find
Wey you never see since morning
Your hand dey move for pocket
like octopus dey inside
Turn pocket inside out now
Make e all land for ground
That way you go find
that thing wey don dey so elusive

Na craw I dey sctrach
Na nothing but craw craw
The heat and sweat
and too much stress dey make my bodi itch

Brother wetin you
dey wait for
Carry go reach hospital
If you continue at this rate
yua blokkus fit fall reach ground
This scratching no hygienic
yua skin fit turn to leather
If you no get moni
I go loan you reach dis month end

Na craw craw I dey scratch
Na nothing but craw craw
The heat and sweat
and too much stress dey make my bodi itch

Wish To Apply

Babe, I wish to apply to be your guy
Guy, I need to think about it
You babes are always thinking
You guys are consumed in the moment’s heat.

Babe, have you finished thinking yet?
Guy, let us stroll to where you parked your car
Babe, parked what? I came on motor cycle taxi
Ah, on a rackety machine my thoughts will not travel far.

Guy, let us go to your house, air conditioners will help thinking
Babe, if you want cool breeze na Okada, we no get light two weeks
Guy, at what unfortunate address do you reside?
Babe, where I live is saturated with love for you.

Guy, let us stand in front of a mirror so I can see
Babe, what is there to see? OK here is a glass door
Guy, I am taller, your clothes shabby and your looks disappointing
Babe, the reflection shows not my heart, my love guarantor.

Guy, you miss pronounce certain words
Babe, I will perpetually pronounce my love for you
Guy, this accent, it will confuse potential off springs
Babe, you talk of off spring! Progress, long overdue.

Guy, your address book nko. Any big names?
Babe , I love you will all my heart and my humble background
Guy, I have dreamed of expensive wedding presents
Babe, love, the greatest gift, will have you spellbound.

Guy, I really need space to think
Babe, wetin you dey think. Abeg give me your confirmation
Guy, I need time to think of how to say no and not break your heart
Babe, must dash off. Need to follow up my other applications.

The Orphan’s Song

None has a father
in this orphanage
gone are all hopes of a normal family
even then, hope and
redemption will come our way
i believe one day we will be free
Away with hunger
Away with strife
Away
Away
Away

Nobody will starve
in this great land of ours
gone are the days of suffering
enough food for all
rice stew and plantain
in our plates are overflowing
Away with hunger
Away with strife
Away
Away
away


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